Can I -- really do this?????

Today I woke up at my normal 3am with this thought in my mind "What the hell am I thinking, there is no way I am an awesome enough ultra runner to ever think about completing this crazy plan I have concocted for 2013.." The heaviness of this thought weighed on me for most of the day. I continued to question myself, my spirit, my strength, my capacity to hold and to make it happen. I considered emailing a few Ultra runners that I know to get the peep talk I so desperately needed, I imagined them saying "This will not be the last time you question yourself, use this time wisely, focus your thoughts and believe in your journey, the strength of your mind will carry you through this next year." I never emailed anyone But I know that what I thought they would say was the absolute truth. this year will be more about my mind then my training, I have said it before the training is the easy part. The fact that I questioned myself today proves to me that I am ready to take this journey. The questions make me want it more.... I will struggle, I will think I am not capable, I will cry, scream and yell, I may even stomp my feet and beg to quit --BUT I will move ever forward, step by step, breath by breath. Today marks the journey of many, many miles, the journey that will take me to the pits of hell and the most beautiful place in this great state.... I am thrilled to be human, to be on this journey and to give it all my best....