19 days to IMTUF

I am nervous, excited, crazy in the head, thrilled, content and peacefully terrified. From here until race day I will keep it real, I will keep moving all the way to the finish line. It will be a long run, many hours for my body and mind. I know I can do it and will be a finisher, I want this too bad not to be. I would be lying to say I do not have fear, in the LONG RUN what is it that I am afraid of.... But wait let me begin with what I am not afraid of.... I am not afraid of injury, the start, the finish, the course, the process, the work. I know I will enjoy the scenery, the forward movement, the Aid Stations, my fellow runners, I know I will have fun and I am smart enough to know that it will be tough at times, I would be a fool not to think there will be times I want to quit, although I can say I am stubborn enough not to.

Now... what is this fear. What am I afraid of? Why bother with fear? Just over 300 days ago I ushered runners through Cloochman Saddle Aid Station, 9.5 miles from the finish; to say I was inspired by every runner would be an understatement. I was over the moon excited and motivated to run far! On that day I vowed to run and finish IMTUF 100 in 2013 and 19 days from today I will be put to the test. My fear -- failure. I like to finish what I start. What is the worst that can happen if I do not finish? Truly nothing, the weekend will pass and life will resume. But I will finish and life will go on with me as a 100 mile finisher. It will likely change me in ways I may not fully know for many days, and weeks to come. I am certain finishing will teach me that I can and will. The process that has gone into this has taught me more about myself than I can explain, I have learned that miles are miles and minutes are minutes and so on-- it is however what we do with the minutes and miles that matters the most. I have learned that every runner has a reason and every runner has a story. I have learned that life is sweeter on the long run. I have learned to balance the ease and effort, I have learned that my life force is dynamic and is driven my many things fear is one of them.

The value of fear for me is the element of "real" -- it is essential for me to keep it real--- fear, patience, peace, madness, joy, pain, frustration, elation all part of the Ultra story. Fear makes me human, it makes me more mindful and connected, fear is defined in different ways, for me in this life event fear is a driving force. I am tough, I will likely feel raw and broken only to be followed by courageous, tough and bad ass. I believe in the process that brings one foot in front of the other, this will no doubt be notable experience in my life.