Ultra Real

I have been reflecting, as long distance runners we have a lot of time on your hands to think as we train. First the highlights --March 11th I ran 39 miles my furthest run to date --March 29th I ran 51.5 miles in the Pickled Feet 12 Hour, I came in 3rd for women (pretty cool) --April 17th I ran a 25 minute 5K (my best to date, and my first attempt) Forty eight days ago I ran my furthest run, 18 days after that I ran over fifty miles and felt a big push in my soul that I had truly entered into the world of Ultra running. But it is the last 30 days that I am reflecting on... this blog is meant to be the 'Journey to My first 100 mile Race' and a journey is certainly filled with highlights, it is also sprinkled with low lights; times when the click won't click, times when there is more questions than answers, times when we feel out of place, out of sorts, unsure, deeply reflective and frankly unmotivated to do what we truly, unconditionally love to do. The low lights --Post race ankle injury (bummer, but alas part of the sport) --My bodies unwillingness to get out of bed predawn --My minds banter and tremendous amount of reasons I gave myself to stay in bed/to not run --Self doubt (holy S%#!, so you are saying I am human....WHA???) --Runners blues (I should really start picking on my banjo again -- boy could I sing a story) Truth... I could go on and on and on and this is precisely why I am sitting down to write. While out on my run this morning I thought about the list above, of the good, bad and ugly -- the highs and lows; I thought about the advice I have received from fellow ultra runners, I thought about the support I have received from my husband and my family, I thought about my goals, and the list of races I plan to complete this year. BEWARE if you decide to dive into running long distance you will suddenly find a ton of time and space to think :) So... The best part about the ups and downs, for me, is when I come back around in a true refection. Why do I run ultra distance? I run far because when I am out there that is my task -- what am I doing?? I running, period. I am running because I love to run, I love how it feels and where it takes me. Why do I train hard? Because I am driven, I am over the top, I am seeking, I want more and honestly I need it, this is all part of who I am and it is these parts of me that teach me that rest is good and that the time off that may feel lazy and self indulgent is actually honest communication from my body. Why do I fight the fact that I am capable runner? Why do I doubt my abilities? Why I do want to write about this for anyone to read? Why admit the lows? Why not yell out from the mountain tops all the highlights of my journey and nothing but? Why, because the fact of the matter is without doubt, without fear, without the self deprecation I have no possible way of rising above... to rally... to run with heart and soul, to run with guts. The lows give me power to overcome and to get my ass out there and run. It is my mission with this blog and with my life to be my best at keeping it Ultra Real. I am inspired by many, I am supported by many and it is my sincerest hope that with all that I am, I will inspire and support many with the deepest of respect and understanding. So go ahead dive in, sink then swim.. Up and out, then repeat that!

Hats off to Ultra Runners!

Are your feet pickled yet?

Leading up to my first 12 hour night run -- the jury in my head was scrutinizing my ability "Are you really a runner?" "Do you even belong in this ultra running community?" "What the hell are you thinking?" "You have been sick for 10 days, you are not at the top of your game!" Shaking my head of these crazy thoughts I set my sights and as always I set them high -- the goal 50 plus miles, run strong, run long, eat and drink well -- face your fears, you are a long distance runner, you got this. In the two days leading up to the event I rested a ton, laughed a lot and visualized myself running happy. Waiting for a night time event is tough. Sleep was not happening the excitement was brewing -- no... it was boiling... Prepped my bag, packed, unpacked and packed again -- I was ready in every way, calm and confident (finally). As we pulled into the park my heart raced and my eyes sparkled it was time. Race briefing, potty break, game time. The clock struck 6pm and the horn blew, we ran and ran and ran and ran. I came out strong and fast, four loops in and I had not stopped at the aid station -- forward motion was my mantra. The first 15 miles went by really fast, I watched the sun go down and the moon rise. Twenty five miles in time to slow it down a little, it was going to be a long night. I got very comfortable running with the night sky, spending more time running solo on the trail that I had expected. I had come into the race with a serious sinus infection and at mile 37 I blew a snot rocket that looked like an amoeba, the pressure released-- I never looked back, I ran with more freedom in my body and in my head. It is amazing how quickly things can change on the long run, at mile 40 I melted down, my heart was beating fast and hard, my emotions were off the hook and I was freaked out, emotional and nauseous. Emily,one of the race directors talked me down, gave me some ginger ale and sent me on my way, more connected and in touch with the the job at hand; to reach my goal I needed to run 10 more miles, it was in the bag or was it??!! I love to do math as I run but at mile 40 I could not calculate what I needed to run in order to make my goal. I decided to forget the mind numbing calculations and just run -- I remembered the visualizations I had the day before of me running happy, so for 5 mile miles I ran happy and smiling. Mile 45 melt down number 2! I called my husband (who was in Las Vegas at the time -- yes it was the wee hours of the morning) he was up and ready to talk me back to good. It is in these moments that a long distance runner does not want to answer a bunch of questions, I wanted to be talked to, I wanted to listen then I wanted to finish this run. I trotted fast as he spoke, he assured me I had plenty of time and would likely run more that 50 miles, I believed him. I ran. I crossed the finish line a few moments before 6am with 51.5 miles. I did it! I learned so much, felt deeply supported by my friends, family and the ultra running community. I feel grateful to have landed into such an amazing group of runners. My training for Silver City is underway and the Journey to IMTUF 100 is in full effect with two races down and nearly 400 training miles under my belt. The race directors had placed a few signs along the trail -- I had two that fully resonated with me "What I think expands." and "I finish what I start." You bet!!