Running is Slowly Saving my Life -- as I Knew it and Know it

When I saw this picture I thought about how running is saving my life, at least as I know it. Over the course of my life time I have been heavy and thin, I have been an over eater and an under eater, I have been far too thin denying the fact that I was coping by not eating. It made me think about the fact that I used to be a full time smoker -- I smoked alone, with friends, when ever, where ever. Then I evolved into “just” a social smoker, even though I knew better. Looking back I started and quit many times. Why start again you ask? I can mark it with trauma, deep sadness and massive anxiety and frankly I liked it, I knew better and I knew I was “being bad”. Then I got pregnant and said never again, and then winked at myself on the inside, knowing that for some crazy reason I found escape in the process of smoking. I quit for a long time, tending my son -- growing my life. After Gage came into our lives, I took a look at myself and with the help of a few amazing friends I got into the best shape of my life, I did P90X, I did Mudder, I became an advocate for health and more importantly wellness, I started running as a part of my health and wellness, I was hooked. I ran half marathons, full marathons and to date 10 Ultra marathons between the years 2012 and 2013. Laced in this time I made incredible changes in my life, growing, learning, stumbling and falling, excelling and failing. I have workout out for hours a day and laid on the couch for just as many, I have run 100 miles in less than 33 hours; I have skipped training days and sat around beating myself up claiming I was not good enough. I have smoked, gained weight, lost weight, lost track and gotten back taking charge of this beautiful life. I believe that every day brings a new start and love that I have a strong connection with the sunrise. I have always seen the best in people and have learned that I am allowed to see the best in me too. I have not always been at my best, who can say they have? I have not been a perfect specimen of health throughout this process but what I know for sure is that running is slowly saving my life, making me see more clearly, feel more clearly, be more clear with who I am and what I want to give the world. Running is teaching me that the human body is a machine and needs to be tended to and that the mind and heart can be mended with time and with miles and perhaps best of all, the willingness to grow; to soar through the mud, and emerge on the surface something gorgeous and magnificent. The take away – look at your life, embrace it, embody it and then move forward glorious, magical, humble, brave and happy! You matter!